Emily's Lemonade Stand.

I have never felt more like the Lord is working on my heart more than ever. It is almost hard to put into words.

For quite some time, I have felt like I am ruining my life. I feel somewhat like Paul in Romans 7:15 when he says he knows what he ought to do but doesn't do it but instead he does the things he hates. I know what I ought to do but I don't do it. Instead of making things easier on myself by just doing what I ought to do I do the things I hate. For example, not studying as hard or having a defeated attitude. I have felt so heavy about my choice of career in Meteorology for so long. Somewhere along the way, I lost my passion for it. I became so weighed down by the difficulty of the program that I quit trying. I feel like recently the Lord has really stepped in with a much needed kick in the butt. I was presented the opportunity to forecast for one of our campus organizations. Naturally, I was terrified to take this opportunity. I felt like Jonah in the bible. I began to think about how I wasn't ready or "qualified". I tried to back out but God did not allow it. I was lead forecaster for the first time last week and it went fine. I made my forecast without doubt and it was no where near the disaster I had pictured. Besides, no one was born being the perfect forecaster. It is very much something that requires learning from mistakes to be able to understand. I did just fine. However, as soon as I caught my breath about that. I had another huge leadership opportunity put on me. Continuing with my theme of Jonah, I was ready to crawl back into the whale. However, my heart has been being worked on again by God and I have been realizing that his power is made perfect in my weakness. I don't need to have all the answers, I just need to trust God and give life my best effort. I am going to mess up but God is faithful. I feel like the main lesson He has been trying to teach me is Jeremiah 29:11 where He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." I feel like God has been giving me a little kick in the rear and saying, "EMILY, I know the plans I have for you. I have laid the world at your feet why are you sitting still! Run for the prize!". I am trying to listen and grow.

God has also been working on my contentment. I have always struggled with not being content in my circumstances. I am always wanting more or looking at other people's lives wishing I had what they have. Lately, God has put on my heart just how blessed I really am. I have loving parents, a loving husband to be, loving friends, and I lack nothing that I need. I attend a college and my dreams are at my finger tips. I have never had any major health issues. I may not have a lot of money, but it always provides for me. What more could I want for? Recently, someone stole my bike. This initially made me so very angry. It was not an expensive bike so I struggled to understand why someone would to that. The back breaks on my bike were out and it would no longer shift gears. It enraged me that what I had wasn't even that great but someone took it anyways. I felt like someone took the little that I had. That was the worst kind of way to think considering that bike was not my only possession and I have within my means to afford a much nicer bike had I needed it. The fact that my bike was stolen despite it's bad shape was a huge indication that whoever stole it had really needed it since it wasn't worth any money. My father bought me and much nicer bike that everything works on. I am so blessed. I was able to provide someone who really needed a bike with a bike and I even got to enjoy a new bike. Even on my worst day, I have an amazing life. It is not without problems but even on my worst day, I am blessed beyond measure.

I have felt very heavy with all of this for a long time. It puts my heart at unrest when the Lord is working so hard on it. It is a good thing to know I am His though. While he is working on me and my heart feels so heavy I take comfort in the fact that I can know without a doubt I am a child of his because He is so clearly working on me.